I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
