Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
