I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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