I like my sex mixed with concussions.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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