I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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