I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They took my balls.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
