Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
