you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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