ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
cat food counts as protein by the way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
