Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
