i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
