I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
