"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize