I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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