I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
