Life is so much better after having sex.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
