no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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