Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm so fucking centered right now
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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