Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
