I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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