Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
