God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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