He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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