i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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