I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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