I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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