Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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