What did we do last night that was yellow?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
