I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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