I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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