You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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