Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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