Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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