i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
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3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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