and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
