i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
