in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
