She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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