you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
