We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize