You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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