I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
