I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
