Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
