Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
