i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
