i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
