You smell like a Billy Joel song
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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