it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
