So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
