I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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