Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
