I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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