U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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