Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
