Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.

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  (517): I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher. http://tfl.nu/b9fx
  Replies (6) Good night (490) Bad night (1438) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.

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  (231): i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am. http://tfl.nu/2854
  Replies (26) Good night (460) Bad night (2510) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

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  (607): I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever. http://tfl.nu/15o8
  Replies (18) Good night (7321) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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  (972): You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.' http://tfl.nu/1grt
  Replies (22) Good night (2140) Bad night (4345) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.

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  (570): i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network. http://tfl.nu/mmjy
  Replies (45) Good night (2617) Bad night (4552) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

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  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (8202) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.

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  (505): judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too. http://tfl.nu/lecl
  Replies (5) Good night (2920) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

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  (903): I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk" http://tfl.nu/2chc
  Replies (5) Good night (686) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.

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  (406): I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling. http://tfl.nu/7oui
  Replies (4) Good night (711) Bad night (2380) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.

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  (717): I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees. http://tfl.nu/sibe
  Replies (4) Good night (1391) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

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  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
  Replies (21) Good night (3646) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage

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  (248): No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage http://tfl.nu/6f8g
  Replies (1) Good night (430) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??

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  (701): i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this?? http://tfl.nu/hqqq
  Replies (8) Good night (541) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!

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  (315): HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT! http://tfl.nu/pd33
  Replies (13) Good night (298) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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  (501): There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success. http://tfl.nu/8q5q
  Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (156) Order T-Shirt

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