my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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