she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
