Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
