She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
