Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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