my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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