what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
