She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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