On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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