Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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