yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
