I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
