he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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