Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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