I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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