I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize