if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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