I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
