Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
