Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love having hate sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
