An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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