I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
