I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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