I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
