My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
