Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
