I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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