Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
