TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
