I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
